Welcome to To Have and To Hold

I re-married my ex-husband
after 18 years apart!

Read the amazing, true story of Faith, Hope and Discovery

How God resurrected a dead marriage after 18 years!

Of the Faith that held onto God’s Promise

And the Hope that defied all reason

Discover with us, the depth of God’s love for the Prodigal

And His ability to do the impossible!

The 40 short, very readable chapters were written by Mike and Celia, so you can see both sides of a marriage breakdown.

We tell of the reasons that led up to the divorce and how we each had to deal with the consequences.

We wrote our story, believing that no experience is ever wasted if others can find help in their own situations and learn from our mistakes.

My mother gave me a love of gardening, needlecraft, cake making and other creative pursuits. I have enjoyed my role of Mother and Homemaker and now create Wedding cakes with Sugar Craft flower decorations.

Mike: I was born in 1951 into a post war world where large families were normal; I was the eldest of 7 children.
There were a number of things or events that made me the person I am. My Army life, 9 years as a regular soldier, my ability as a salesman, my belief that everyone can shine and excel in their chosen field; last but definitely not least, my faith in Jesus Christ.

Celia: I was born in 1947, the only child of a fairly conservative, middle class family in the South of England. My father was a great influence upon my early life, both as a military man and also as a man of faith and determination, who had a good command of the English language.

As a result I spent nearly 7 years in the Army as a nurse and embarked on a journey to discover my own faith in Jesus Christ my Lord.

This book is the result of our experiences and relationships; some for good and some not so good! Why did we write it? To share our experiences and the answers we discovered along the way.

Excerpts from the book “To Have And To Hold”

The One who is left Behind

"They were the words I had never thought I would ever hear, “I’m having an affair, and I’m enjoying it.” I couldn’t stay in our bed; instead, I spent an uncomfortable and restless night on the sofa, downstairs. My reply had been, ”I don’t care how many women you have, I will always love you.” But it had hurt, deeply and my stomach was in knots.

How had it come to this? I had thought that our marriage was a happy one? We had been married for 9 years by this time and after the excitement of constantly being on the move whilst Mike was in the army, we had finally settled down.
Philip was six and Sarah was now two and a half. We had spent two and a half years in our first home, a deceptively large terrace house, before we saw a house for sale, which we believed God had reserved for us. It was an old Victorian Semi-detached house, with a large bay window, in a corner plot.

The sale went through very speedily, I only saw the house for the first time at New Year, but we had moved in before the middle of March. I often gave thanks to the Lord for that quick sale, because if it had dragged on, I could have been left in the terrace (which was rather dark and dingy).
Mike could even have decided to sell the property and share the proceeds, (which weren’t much) leaving me with no option but to live in a Council house. Very soon after this, prices and interest rates shot up and house sales were long drawn out processes for a couple of years. Evidence of God’s perfect timing!

Even the Driving School was flourishing, we had taken on a lady instructor because there were lots of Asian girls who wanted to learn to drive, but their families wouldn’t allow them to learn with a male instructor. This worked well for a few months, until she and her husband decided to move back to Wales.

* * * * * * *

I met Pam when she came for her Interview; I think Mike had already decided that she had got the job before she arrived. She seemed very pleasant and I had no reason to think that there would be any problems.

However, about a month or so later, they both arrived at the house to talk about a problem with her car. They decided go to the garage at the end of our road, and as I watched them walk together out of the gate, my heart did a lurch. Somehow, they looked too ‘together’, my first real indication that something was amiss.
A short time later, a friend of ours invited us round for a meal, we enjoyed the food she had prepared, but all evening Mike kept on saying “Pam this…” or “Pam that…” until I was fed up with listening to his conversation. When we got to bed that night, I asked him about it.

That’s when he admitted, perhaps to himself as much as to me, that he was having an affair. But it was probably more an affair of the heart which may have been why he asked me not to say anything to anyone.

However, when my friend, Jean, came to see me next morning, she found me in bits! My stomach so knotted up, it was painful and as a close friend, it was impossible not to share what had taken place.
Mike was furious when he walked in unexpectedly and found Jean and I talking, and a few harsh words were exchanged. After he’d gone, Jean said I should talk to the elders but I decided not to take it any further, yet, and asked Jean to pray for us.

The next three months were a roller coaster for my emotions but through it all, I knew God’s presence in a very deep and real way, like I’d never experienced before. There were times when I tried to pray for Mike, but all I could do was groan, “Oh, Lord, Mike!” and let the Spirit intercede for me! But, even in deep sorrow and despair, God would suddenly fill me with a joy that made me dance and sing! He gave me the strength to go on each day!"

16 Years later…..Mike’s Journey Back

"During the period I spent away from God, I was always aware that for some reason, God, my Father, had never given up on me!   No matter what I had done, in spite of the fact that I had completely given up on all the things which He saw as important and gone off in a totally different direction,

My God still loved me!
I often refer to those times now as being on an extending leash!

One of the things that really humbled me was the way He spoke peace into me.   I deserved nothing. I had turned my back on Him and deserted the wife and children that He had given me.

All that I had done became very real and I talked to Him often to say how repentant I was.   One day I was reading the Bible when it was as though the words lit up and jumped out from the page,“I have forgiven your sin and will remember it no more.”

I couldn’t forgive myself for the things from my past, never mind forget them! What an amazing God! I just sank to my knees and called out my praise to a loving caring God."

·"White lace and Promises" as the song goes!

·We never believed that it would end in divorce in 1983.

·But there were many issues in our lives that hadn’t been dealt with….that had been swept under the carpet!

·Later, when we least expected it, some of those issues came to the fore and as the pressures mounted so our marriage crumbled.

·An only child
·The eldest of 7
·Living with alcoholic parents
·Rejection
·Belonging to a gang
·Finding answers to life
·Marriage -“For better, for worse”
·Family life
·Children

·Divorce
·Single parenthood
·Adulterous affairs
·Being a workaholic
·Living the high life!
·Pressures at home
·Faith
·Healing - physical and spiritual
·Reconciliation
·Starting again

If you identified with some of the above, then perhaps you may find some of the answers you’ve been searching for by reading our book.

We don’t profess to know all the answers, but we have a Great and Loving God who does!

If you need help you can call us on: 0044(0)1507-463051
or E-mail: celiamike@to-haveandtohold.com

We would also welcome your comments about the book.

This is where we began again!

Happily ever after?

You are probably asking, "Ok, that's all well and good but does it last?"
So far we have been happily married for the last 6 years and have found that as we show consideration for each other in the things we do, so our trust and love grows and grows.
Our relationship is stronger and more caring than before, and our families are delighted that we are back together and that the whole family is reunited.

Love isn't just about hearts and flowers, it's about being there for each other, through good times and bad. That's what the Marriage vows are for...to hold you together when you feel like quitting; so that you can work through your difficulties and come out the other side with a stronger relationship!

So, hang on in there, get some help if necessary, and try to work through your difficulties. Divorce seems to offer an easy way out, but as we discovered, it can create more problems than it solves.

If we can be of assistance, please contact us:
Tel: 0044(0)1507 463051 or E-mail: celiamike@to-haveandtohold.com

I am a very positive person, who always tries to see the best in people and situations. My cup is half full not half empty!
I have worked until the present, mostly in a direct sales environment, selling many of the goods that have given sales a bad reputation, double glazing, financial services, kitchens, and quality upholstery; although I did not agree with some of the tactics used in these occupations which often put me at odds with the Management!

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At last I really felt I had come home! I loved it! We had a lovely sunny garden, and it was close to the local shops, so close, in fact, that I used to push the supermarket trolley home, so I never had to carry heavy shopping. Everything had seemed to drop into place.
So, at last we were settled, with a comfortable home, two lovely children, a good church, Mike had a job he enjoyed, and I was just happy at home being a Wife and a Mum. Mike was still working long hours, but hey! Colic had only lasted 3 months and now Sarah was a happy 2 year old, and Philip was enjoying school. Yes, it seemed everything in the garden was coming up roses!

This was how it all began in 1974.

Issues Raised in Our Book: